After a short period of rest from treatment, I have now started my final cycle of chemotherapy.
Not something you immediately consider good for you
Being dripped into my body
Daily to start
then twice a week
This is my 5th treatment cycle and hopefully my last. I have achieved remission and maintained remission but I’ve not allowed myself to celebrate as I daren’t believe it’s all good until I get to the end of this stage of care. What comes after is currently an unknown and I’m struggling to remain patient. The first week has always the toughest as my body has to endure an assault of drugs and two types of chemotherapy after having had a break. It’s 5 days straight post 2 weeks off everything. It’s a shock to the system which, by Friday, has dragged on one day too many.
There is a saying in cycling, actually, there are many. But there is one in particular that I’ve used over and over to keep myself in fighting spirit and to assess my ‘performance’ – ‘sometimes you are the Hammer, sometimes you are the nail’. G is well known for using this and it has been immortalised on a Handmade Cyclists mug, which was given to me as a present by Richie and Aly really early on in my diagnosis. I’ve used it almost everyday since and the saying has stuck with me.
I know it’s doing me good and it’s all about making sure every last molecule of APML is kicked for good from my blood, my bone marrow, my body. MY BODY. MINE.
I just want it done now, I’m tired of the routine, the side effects, the siting around hooked up to the IV. But I know this is the last time, I just have to continue channeling all those positive thoughts and get to the finish line.
As that fabulous band The Smiths once sung… “why is the last mile the hardest mile?…”
Mainly, I’ve been the hammer, but occasionally I’ve been the nail. My Dad reminded me of a determined statement I kept repeating at the start, it seems as relevant now as ever… I’m going to kick the arse out of this thing.